i used to go to parties and feel awkward if they were too large. i'm talking 10 plus people is what i consider large. especially if i don't know everyone. where i keep talking to one person a lot and otherwise sit around doing nothing.
i used to contribute these ill feelings towards me feeling socially inadequate. like i was aware of an inability to contribute to large gatherings of folk; tall and small, large and short, etc...
but an insight came to me this past week. what if i'm not feeling awkward because i am aware of my "failure", but instead, i feel awkward because i don't really like large gatherings?
i used to think that a "proper" human being needs to know a lot of people, so i logically spent a lot of time meeting people. and it always felt so strange.
it is something of a relief (if it's true) that maybe i'm more introverted than i thought. i don't have to make myself do things i don't like to do anymore, i guess.
You are 100% correct :) I too do not enjoy large parties, so i don't really go to them. Whats the point in doing something you don't enjoy. The way i see it. The people who have massive amounts of "friends" are usually just looking for how that relationship can benefit them. Just knowing a lot of people can alter other peoples perception of another. They aren't usually a very close friend to any of their large masses of friends. But those who usually stick to a smaller group tend to be better friends to those that they do call a friend. Thats why i enjoy doing lan parties. A small get together with the people i call a friend. I don't believe its a failing to be a real friend to another. Instead of a face to a crowd.
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