party

i used to go to parties and feel awkward if they were too large. i'm talking 10 plus people is what i consider large. especially if i don't know everyone. where i keep talking to one person a lot and otherwise sit around doing nothing.

i used to contribute these ill feelings towards me feeling socially inadequate. like i was aware of an inability to contribute to large gatherings of folk; tall and small, large and short, etc...

but an insight came to me this past week. what if i'm not feeling awkward because i am aware of my "failure", but instead, i feel awkward because i don't really like large gatherings?

i used to think that a "proper" human being needs to know a lot of people, so i logically spent a lot of time meeting people. and it always felt so strange.

it is something of a relief (if it's true) that maybe i'm more introverted than i thought. i don't have to make myself do things i don't like to do anymore, i guess.

mister hall

i often hear people refer to the different buildings on campus as Halls. this is problematic to me. i know that there are halls inside each individual structure, so perhaps there is some truth in the name. and i understand that the name of a structure does not have to say what there is waiting inside.

however, what i imagine time after time, is a cavernous tunnel carved through a piece of concrete two hundred feet by width, length and height, in an ironic protest of utilitarianism.

day one of no video games

College is beginning. I'm hoping it inspires me. Like. A lot.