i used to go to parties and feel awkward if they were too large. i'm talking 10 plus people is what i consider large. especially if i don't know everyone. where i keep talking to one person a lot and otherwise sit around doing nothing.
i used to contribute these ill feelings towards me feeling socially inadequate. like i was aware of an inability to contribute to large gatherings of folk; tall and small, large and short, etc...
but an insight came to me this past week. what if i'm not feeling awkward because i am aware of my "failure", but instead, i feel awkward because i don't really like large gatherings?
i used to think that a "proper" human being needs to know a lot of people, so i logically spent a lot of time meeting people. and it always felt so strange.
it is something of a relief (if it's true) that maybe i'm more introverted than i thought. i don't have to make myself do things i don't like to do anymore, i guess.
